Jules Heartly | September 5^th 2020

One’s Secret Fight For Life.

I had gone swiftly to my house to quickly update my suitcase, retrieve some items now required and drop off ones no longer needed.  I hurried back to the airport in the middle of the evening rush hour afraid of missing my flight to New Orleans.   I prayed along the way and it seemed as if my prayers were not heard: when approaching the airport the traffic crawled to a stop.

“You better call and book the next flight” my companion said.

“I will figure out what to do when I get there” I said nervously knowing it wouldn’t be an easy thing to do on a Friday evening. 

Once I arrived at the airport, I rushed to the gate, only to be stopped by one of the flight attendants….  “The suitcase must go as cargo.  We are already full…. “ I reluctantly agreed, after all, getting on the plane was the goal, suitcase on hand  or not.

When I arrived at New Orleans, my friend Linzy and my other friends were there.  And we were all happy everyone had made it.  It was Linzy’s bachelorette party after all, and we all wanted her to have the greatest time ever, not only because duh she was getting married soon, but because we all loved Linzy’s personality: always outgoing, always smiling,  seeing the half glass full at all times, and  offering a contagious warmth friendship.

My suitcase never arrived, and I had to spend my time in New Orleans with borrowed clothes and a few things I managed to buy, but we all built great memories and strengthen our friendship during the fun Lindsey’s bachelorette weekend.

Linzy got married and as in the fairy tales she got kids who have grown to be a pure blessing. 

Although Linzy and I switched jobs many times during our careers in wall street, we always did our best to make time to see each other and catch up over dinners and sometimes over drinks.  We talked about everything. We vent out whatever frustrations we had at the moment at our jobs, and sipped the joy of the good news coming out from our families, mainly our children. 

There were times when we were too engaged in other things, and we didn’t make it a priority to see each other in person, but we always talked through email messages or texts.. well that is until that time, when Linzy stopped doing it for a while, a long while.  

I emailed her, and she didn’t emailed back.  I waited a few days, perhaps a few weeks.  I texted her.. no no answer. I waited again.  I called her office.. No answer.  That was strange.  I thought but then again, she had a lot of responsibility at work, and she traveled a lot so…. patience.

I texted again a couple of months after, and once I finally got something, one emoji and nothing else. 

That wasn’t the Linzy I knew.  One morning, I woke up determined to talk to her and find out what was happening.  I called her and I got a text message back: “I will call  you..”  There was a sense of relief .. at least I got a few words, and I knew if she had said that she would call me, she would do.  She is a woman of her word.

And then it came.… the call, I mean.   She started on her usual bright cheerful tone of voice, and then as if words were fighting to come out, the news came out rushing out of her as rivers waters going downstream after a storm: “I had breast cancer!”

I didn’t know what to say.  I meant “WHAT?”  and she kept talking in a speedy way, while my brain was slow in digesting the words, the news, the scenario.   I kept saying “Yes” to all of her questions barely knowing what the questions were.   This had been happening all this time, and I wasn’t there holding her hand or talking to he, giving her support. Not that she needed it I guess, such a strong woman, with so many friends, plus husband and kids, I bet she didn’t.  But still I wanted to have been there for her somehow.

The conversation continued, we talked about her surgery, her breast replacement options, the chemotherapy .. was this real?  We talked about cutting parts of the body and reconstructing them in other parts..  it was surreal.   And finally, we switched to her job situation which gave a tone of normality to the conversation.

Covid-19 or not, I wanted to see Linzy and make sure she was fine as she said she now was.  We made our best to see each other within the next few days.

When I saw her, the first thing I noticed was her smile. It was there!  It was her!  A big sense of relief washed over me, as a cool wind in the middle of hot humid summer day.  It felt refreshing.  She looked good.  Her body tight as it had been when we had her bachelorette party in New Orleans many years back.

“Wow.  You look terrific ,” I said.  “No pregnancy tummy, nothing!  You look like a Barbie doll!”  I continued, now joking.

“Oh, it is all part of the breast reconstructing surgery,” she explained.  “The tummy fat and part of the tissue is now.. well up here on my breasts,” she said sounding all natural.

Wow!  I was impressed with her way of presenting it so matter-of-factly.   “How could you be so… I mean positive and outgoing still after all you have gone through?” I asked later after listening to her story and how she was now pursuing another job.  “When you are a cancer survivor, you feel nothing can stop you anymore” she said proudly.

Between laughs and hugs we ate our food and had our wine.  We reminisced the great time we have had so long ago in New Orleans,  “well, so many years later and you still have your barbie doll body” I said, to which she answered  “yes, but this is the Barbie doll #BreastCancer Survivor body!”

We parted again as we had done so many other times, in the middle of a Manhattan night,  street lights on, people in bars unaware  of other people’s joys or tragedies,  some people walking down the streets with a sense of urgency , and a light rain caressing our bodies,  as if our skin was suddenly having tears, while us were saying our goodbyes with warmth smiles and a wish of getting together once again very soon. But this time a big lump on my throat preventing me for saying any words, as if all the water in the ocean was being bottled on a narrow glass container.  

Why had this story had touched me so much?  Well, not only because of whom Linzy is, but because two of my dearly close friends have been battling the same demon: Cancer, and I know the third strike is an OUT.

And OUT it went my confidence in believing this happens to “other people”, and OUT went my belief that less and less people are victims of #BreastCancer or #ColonCancer or any cancer whatsoever.  

I still have optimism it doesn’t’ happen to me or anyone else but … the overall hope has been shaken by these recent “earthquakes”.

My heart goes out to all #CancerSurvivors and their families as well as to all the other ones who did not survive.

And You… have you been shaken by stories like this?  If so, Please share them and help build hope and awareness in our communities.

Thank you for reading my blog.

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